It’s funny…

I like flicking back through things like my Instagram account just to see what I’ve done over the past few years, how I’ve gone from fat to thin to fat to thin, friends, fun activities, pets, lovers etc. and I can’t help but feel the same sort of empty feeling that I get when I look at my bank account after years of drinking. Although, this is a strange feeling as I look back and see the really fun stuff and amazing people I’ve done the fun stuff with and I can’t help but think how I wish I had enjoyed it more.

A lot of my memories are bordering on non-existent, I have trouble remembering a lot of the wonderful things I’ve experienced because I was fucking pissed all the time.

I know I have certainly come a very long way from where I was 6-12-18 months ago but now that I have made these choices and put things into action, will I look back on these times and ask myself the same question?

Hopefully I will remember these sober times far more vividly than the not sober times. Perhaps it’s a mental block that has just decided to blank out everything from between the ages of 13-23 so that I don’t have to remember the bad. Maybe blocking out the bad also means blocking out the good, the fond memories and the like.

I don’t know, that’s why I have a psychologist.

psychologist confused disconnected alcoholic sober sobriety

My beautiful girlfriend is in India and I miss her with every fibre of my being.

I honestly can’t wait until she is back in my arms so that we can get back to enjoying even the most banal activities that feature in day to day life, together.

She’s my world, my rock, my light, my reality check, my supporter, my little companion.

I have never felt what I feel for her for anyone else before. An amazing sense of equality, support and understanding.

She’s my woman and I love her.

My beautiful girlfriend is in India and I miss her with every fibre of my being.

I honestly can’t wait until she is back in my arms so that we can get back to enjoying even the most banal activities that feature in day to day life, together.

She’s my world, my rock, my light, my reality check, my supporter, my little companion.

I have never felt what I feel for her for anyone else before. An amazing sense of equality, support and understanding.

She’s my woman and I love her.

lesbian gay lgbtq equal hottie babe lover

findinganswersintheheart:

My mother is an alcoholic
A simple statement which will cause many to jump to stereo typical conclusions. The number of times I have told people this and they’ve looked at me with sympathetic eyes and that world famous head tilt which screams ‘poor thing’. They assume my mother is out on benders every evening, that I have spent the last 14 years of my short existence living in fear, pouring bottles of vodka down the sink, begging her to stop… Not the case. My mother has been sober for 7 years. Not once, not ever did I have to throw a bottle down the sink or lay awake at night worrying my little mind into shreds. Even when she was in rehab (I was seven years old at the time) I didn’t worry because I knew my mothers strength, my faith in her was as strong as the bond I’d had with her since birth. This isn’t me underestimating the seriousness of my mothers illness because God do I know how much she has had to fight to get to where she is today. We talk about the stigmas associated with mental health so often now but I feel alcoholism is still surrounded by so many misconceptions. It is an illness, as serious as that of cancer. A great actor Robin Williams died this week from suicide. Straight away the reasoning behind his death was said to be depression I am not denying the likelihood of this truly talented man suffering with depression but the truth is this man suffered, truly suffered with alcoholism. He was sober for 20 years and shortly before his death relapsed. This undoubtedly played a role in his death. The power and seriousness of this illness is greatly underestimated. So next time you hear someone using the term ‘alcoholic’ as an adjective instead of a serious mental illness then I’m asking you, please put them right. Part of the reason so many of those suffering never enter recovery is due to the negative, judgemental stigmas associated with the illness. I wouldn’t change any part of my mother for the world, her struggles have only made her the remarkable women she is today. Her battle is a daily one and I cannot express my pride in her. It’s time to stop the stigmas and open up our minds to this illness.

findinganswersintheheart:

My mother is an alcoholic
A simple statement which will cause many to jump to stereo typical conclusions. The number of times I have told people this and they’ve looked at me with sympathetic eyes and that world famous head tilt which screams ‘poor thing’. They assume my mother is out on benders every evening, that I have spent the last 14 years of my short existence living in fear, pouring bottles of vodka down the sink, begging her to stop… Not the case. My mother has been sober for 7 years. Not once, not ever did I have to throw a bottle down the sink or lay awake at night worrying my little mind into shreds. Even when she was in rehab (I was seven years old at the time) I didn’t worry because I knew my mothers strength, my faith in her was as strong as the bond I’d had with her since birth. This isn’t me underestimating the seriousness of my mothers illness because God do I know how much she has had to fight to get to where she is today. We talk about the stigmas associated with mental health so often now but I feel alcoholism is still surrounded by so many misconceptions. It is an illness, as serious as that of cancer. A great actor Robin Williams died this week from suicide. Straight away the reasoning behind his death was said to be depression I am not denying the likelihood of this truly talented man suffering with depression but the truth is this man suffered, truly suffered with alcoholism. He was sober for 20 years and shortly before his death relapsed. This undoubtedly played a role in his death. The power and seriousness of this illness is greatly underestimated. So next time you hear someone using the term ‘alcoholic’ as an adjective instead of a serious mental illness then I’m asking you, please put them right. Part of the reason so many of those suffering never enter recovery is due to the negative, judgemental stigmas associated with the illness. I wouldn’t change any part of my mother for the world, her struggles have only made her the remarkable women she is today. Her battle is a daily one and I cannot express my pride in her. It’s time to stop the stigmas and open up our minds to this illness.